Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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