so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just high enough for therapy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
