are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
