Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
