dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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