..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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