john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
