Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
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we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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