I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
