so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can't talk, ducks in the car
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
