I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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