He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
