When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize