Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
