Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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