figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
