his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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