Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
