Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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