Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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