Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
