can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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