and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
