Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
