I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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