I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
