I think i sorta joined a cult last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize