Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
