found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
