I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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