I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
