Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
