So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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