Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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