Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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