Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im part way to drunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
