could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
