I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
