have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
