So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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