no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
