Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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