we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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