Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Please, let me fuck your mom
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
