You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
