dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
