i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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