Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
