im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When did we convert life to cartoon?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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