Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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