Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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