genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
