your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
