Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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