i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
