sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
