the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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