Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
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Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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