With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
