You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
