Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
