Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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