we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
