to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
