anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
