She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
