I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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