I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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