ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
